Let It Be

In the eighth grade my English class had to read Romeo & Juliet. Then for extra credit, Mrs. Snyder made us act out all the parts. Sal Scafarillo was Romeo. As fate would have it, I was Juliet… all the other girls were jealous, but I had a slightly different take. I told Mrs. Snyder that Juliet was an idiot. For starters she falls for the one guy she knows she can’t have, then she blames fate for her own bad decision. Mrs. Snyder explained to me that when fate comes into play choice sometimes goes out the window. At the ripe old age of 13 I was very clear that love like life is about making choices. And fate has nothing to do with it. Everyone thinks it’s so romantic, Romeo and Juliet, true love, how sad. If Juliet was stupid enough to fall for the enemy, drink the bottle of poison, and go to sleep in a mausoleum, she deserved whatever she got. 

Growing up, nobody told me how life would be like when you gets older. I always believe that life is all about fate & destiny and that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes, people tell me I think too much... sometimes people tell me that I should be contented with what I have and life, well... is life. 

I felt depressed for a few days now, I cried for a few nights, I slept, I wake, I showered, I ate, I went to work and I did everything that I should do and everyone expects me to do. And I wondered, if I am existing in a dream and not reality (watching Inception made it worse). This morning, I was talking to my director about a project and I don't know why, the familiar ache came crawling back, gripping my heart so tightly that for a moment, that moment, I couldn't breathe. And I felt my nose crinkling and my eyes becoming watery. Yes, I wanted to cry. Right there and then. For reasons, only God knows. I came out of his room (of course, I didn't cry in front of him! I am too tough for that) and begin to work with a vengeance. Then, I opened up my msn and begin to talk to a friend I just got to know recently (2 weeks to be precise). Speaking of which, don't you think it's funny? How you can know someone for such a short time yet, you felt as though you guys are meant to be friends or seem to be friends for a really long time already. 

And so, I began chatting with her. I didn't even begin to say anything but only to tell her I am depressed. I don't know why I did that, especially to someone I just knew! But right at that moment, I think I can tell her and I hope she would understand. I was tearing when I was talking to her and I barely told her my story. Went out for lunch, came back and continued my sob story with her. And something that she told me, touches the very raw chord of my heart. She said "one never really heals, you just change". How true is that? I realized that I've changed so much over the recent years and I am not sure if that made me a better person, or not?

I'm not going into the long grandmother story on the reasons why I am depressed but I definitely felt better after talking to her. Well, tomorrow is a brand new day and life is good, despite all these bullshit!

My fringe is so long now!

Maybe Romeo and Juliet were fated to be together, but just for a while, and then their time passed. If they could have known that beforehand, maybe it all would have been okay. I told Mrs. Snyder that when I was grown up, I'd take fate into my own hands. I wouldn't let some guy drag me down. Mrs. Snyder said that I'd be lucky if I ever had that kind of passion with someone, and that if I did, we'd be together forever. Even now, I believe that for the most part, love is about choices. It's about putting down the poison and the dagger and making your own happy ending...most of the time. And that sometimes, despite all your best choices and all your best intentions... fate wins anyway.