Bring the Pain

Pain, it comes in all forms. The small twinge, a bit of soreness, the random pain, the normal pains that we live with everyday. Then there's the kind of pain you can't ignore. A level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else; makes the rest of your world fade away until all we can think about is how much we hurt. How we manage our pain is up to us. Pain. We anaesthetize, ride it out, embrace it, ignore it... and for some of us, the best way to manage pain is to just push through it.

Went to Russ's friend's house yesterday for a BBQ and I told Russ that I miss my friends... especially my BFF. Whatsapp the BFF and told her how I feel and realized that I am not alone, in the way I am feeling and missing her.

Sometimes in life, you find someone that you know in the very core of your soul that "ah, there she/he is... my friend, my soulmate, my sister...the part in my life that is irreplaceable..." 

 Living apart in 2 different countries, 2 different continents and 2 different time zones, we are 2 souls forging forward as one... Fighting for our lives, our careers and happiness. We are both at a seemingly different yet similar stage of our lives, without each other physically around. Somehow, I really feel that when you reach a certain age or stage in your life, making friends seem to become a challenge. To me, at least. When the bff told me about how "a part of us is missing", I couldn't agree more. There are things that our colleagues or acquaintances or friends and even boyfriends, cannot fulfill. Things are that "special" just between those best friends. 

Honestly, ever since I moved here, I never stop telling Russ how much I wish the bff is here with me. There's so much things I want to show her and share with her. I even tried to persuade the bff's bf (hahahaha) to move here so that we can all be together but as he said "it is not realistic right now"... =( I cannot deny that I feel sad and I am so selfish, hoping that my bff doesn't have those liability (ahhahahahah IT'S ALL MR LEE'S FAULT AND THAT STUPID HOUSE) so she could just move here easily, anytime with my god son. Hhaha but realistically, I know it is not possible and I will wait patiently. 

Well, we never know what's gonna happen in 3 years' time! 

Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers. You just breathe deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed, but sometimes the pain gets you when you least expect it, hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it, and life always makes more. 

Deny Deny Deny

We deny that we're tired, we deny that we're scared, we deny how badly we want to succeed. And most importantly, we deny that we're in denial. We only see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe, and it works. We lie to ourselves so much that after a while the lies start to seem like the truth. We deny so much that we can't recognize the truth right in front of our faces.

Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?