No Man's Land

There are some things you can't escape. And other things you just don't want to know.

Woke up this morning at 6am
Stared at my phone
Logged on MSN, talked to Jessica for a bit. 
Stared at my phone, cried.


I've never been under so much stress (is this considered stress?) before that I actually broke down and cry. The pressure of whether I will do well in the job, my life in States, my relationship, worrying about Baileys... all these amounts to something that I can no longer handle.


When I made the decision not to bring Baileys over with me, I was depending on the fact that J will take care of her well cause it really seem like it. But something so unexpected had to happen, makes me think that I am making mistakes after mistakes, leading to a life of misery for Baileys.

Baileys is all settled, staying with si dan li for the time being, but I can't help but feel that she must be thinking that she is unlovable, that she is not wanted; when in fact, she is loved, loved by me, by us, by God. Pa asked sis not to tell me what is going on, to hide it from me... I guess, just so that I won't worry. But tell me, how not to?

In fact, I don't even know what I am rambling about. I only know that I need to speak. I need to say something. I need to get something out because this is killing me. I know, in fact that anyone and everyone would question me why I didn't just bring her in the first place but as I mentioned in my last entry, I did put a lot of thought in this. Trust me, a decision like this kills more than anything else.

All I want now, is for Baileys to have a good life. I'm praying that everything works out well because I know God is good.