Showing posts with label Baileys. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Baileys. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
No Man's Land
There are some things you can't escape. And other things you just don't want to know.
Woke up this morning at 6am
Stared at my phone
Logged on MSN, talked to Jessica for a bit.
Stared at my phone, cried.
I've never been under so much stress (is this considered stress?) before that I actually broke down and cry. The pressure of whether I will do well in the job, my life in States, my relationship, worrying about Baileys... all these amounts to something that I can no longer handle.
When I made the decision not to bring Baileys over with me, I was depending on the fact that J will take care of her well cause it really seem like it. But something so unexpected had to happen, makes me think that I am making mistakes after mistakes, leading to a life of misery for Baileys.
Baileys is all settled, staying with si dan li for the time being, but I can't help but feel that she must be thinking that she is unlovable, that she is not wanted; when in fact, she is loved, loved by me, by us, by God. Pa asked sis not to tell me what is going on, to hide it from me... I guess, just so that I won't worry. But tell me, how not to?
In fact, I don't even know what I am rambling about. I only know that I need to speak. I need to say something. I need to get something out because this is killing me. I know, in fact that anyone and everyone would question me why I didn't just bring her in the first place but as I mentioned in my last entry, I did put a lot of thought in this. Trust me, a decision like this kills more than anything else.
All I want now, is for Baileys to have a good life. I'm praying that everything works out well because I know God is good.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Winning a Battle, Losing the War
The title of this entry couldn't be more apt.
The past 2 week has been really crazy... With something that I feared the most, coming back to haunt me. Long story short, Baileys (she was supposed to be mine but my mom was really crazily against me having her) was given up by her owners. And the reasons? That they rented a flat, sublet the flat and their tenants are really scared of dogs thus they have to give her up. Now, tell me? What kind of f-ing lame excuse is this????? In the first place, if you truly love your dog, would you have not screened your tenants beforehand? Making sure that they like dogs or not even renting your damn rented flat out to them if they cannot accept your dog?
Geez, talking about them makes my blood boil.
Anyway, back to Baileys. So it was a frenzy trying to find a good home for her and deciding if I should bring her back to the states with me. I had a long talk (actually several) with Russ and we even fought about it. I find it hard to explain to people why I eventually made the decision to let her go and allow my sister's friend to adopt her. Maybe to others, my reasons are weak and are just excuses but trust me, the emotional turmoil I went though, almost killed me.
I wish I can give her a good life but at the same time, my life has already feel as though someone pressed the fast forward button. Everything going in crazy speed. Meeting Russ, dating Russ, finding an apartment, living together, being apart for few weeks every now and then (because of my pending visa application but I got it!) and to wanting to import Baileys into the states.
I know I can do it because to me, money is always a secondary issue. But with so many other things I have to think about, allowing her to go to her current home is really the wisest decision at this moment.
I cannot deny that I miss her and I feel the tinges of pain everytime I think about her but at the same time, I feel happy for her and I hope that this time round, this home is hers for life. Simply because she really deserves it. Maybe I can repeat myself a thousand and a million times why I made this decision but I know, ultimately it's how people choose to look at me. I'm not going to defend myself because I don't have to.
Everyone who knows me, know that I am a crazy dog lover. I wish I have a lab right now but circumstances prevent me from doing so. I don't know. I know I will work harder to move into a bigger apartment on the first level, so that I can have a dog that can run around freely without fearing that it might jump off the patio. Yet at the same time, I don't know if I would still stay in the states after my visa expires in 3 years time (this is also 1 of the reason why I don't wanna bring Baileys over)? Russ told me that he will get the dog and if anything happens, the dog will still always be with him (if i leave the states). For every reason that I could think of to bring Baileys over, I have reasons not to.
I don't expect anyone to understand or agree but its our decision to do so. Even if next time, we get a lab within the year or next... it is also our decision. I only have myself and Baileys to answer to.
The past 2 week has been really crazy... With something that I feared the most, coming back to haunt me. Long story short, Baileys (she was supposed to be mine but my mom was really crazily against me having her) was given up by her owners. And the reasons? That they rented a flat, sublet the flat and their tenants are really scared of dogs thus they have to give her up. Now, tell me? What kind of f-ing lame excuse is this????? In the first place, if you truly love your dog, would you have not screened your tenants beforehand? Making sure that they like dogs or not even renting your damn rented flat out to them if they cannot accept your dog?
Geez, talking about them makes my blood boil.
Anyway, back to Baileys. So it was a frenzy trying to find a good home for her and deciding if I should bring her back to the states with me. I had a long talk (actually several) with Russ and we even fought about it. I find it hard to explain to people why I eventually made the decision to let her go and allow my sister's friend to adopt her. Maybe to others, my reasons are weak and are just excuses but trust me, the emotional turmoil I went though, almost killed me.
I wish I can give her a good life but at the same time, my life has already feel as though someone pressed the fast forward button. Everything going in crazy speed. Meeting Russ, dating Russ, finding an apartment, living together, being apart for few weeks every now and then (because of my pending visa application but I got it!) and to wanting to import Baileys into the states.
I know I can do it because to me, money is always a secondary issue. But with so many other things I have to think about, allowing her to go to her current home is really the wisest decision at this moment.
I cannot deny that I miss her and I feel the tinges of pain everytime I think about her but at the same time, I feel happy for her and I hope that this time round, this home is hers for life. Simply because she really deserves it. Maybe I can repeat myself a thousand and a million times why I made this decision but I know, ultimately it's how people choose to look at me. I'm not going to defend myself because I don't have to.
Everyone who knows me, know that I am a crazy dog lover. I wish I have a lab right now but circumstances prevent me from doing so. I don't know. I know I will work harder to move into a bigger apartment on the first level, so that I can have a dog that can run around freely without fearing that it might jump off the patio. Yet at the same time, I don't know if I would still stay in the states after my visa expires in 3 years time (this is also 1 of the reason why I don't wanna bring Baileys over)? Russ told me that he will get the dog and if anything happens, the dog will still always be with him (if i leave the states). For every reason that I could think of to bring Baileys over, I have reasons not to.
I don't expect anyone to understand or agree but its our decision to do so. Even if next time, we get a lab within the year or next... it is also our decision. I only have myself and Baileys to answer to.
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